


The Iron Clause

by Shi_Toyu



Series: Christmas Fics [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Established Relationship, Justin Hammer Can Suck It, M/M, The Santa Clause - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-03 10:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 17,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2847659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shi_Toyu/pseuds/Shi_Toyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tony Stark has an unexpected collision while out on Christmas Eve he finds himself in a position he never expected to be in. Some in his life are disbelieving and question his sanity. Some accept it with little to no question...and some are DEFINITELY not pleased...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Collision and a Card

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zombified419](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombified419/gifts).



One moment, Tony Stark was flying through the air, suit cutting across the sky like a bullet. The next moment, his entire world was being turned in dizzying circles as he collided with something and warning messages began flashing across his HUD. The impact was devastating, he knew even as his brain felt more like scrambled eggs than the brightest mind of his generation, possibly ever. It was impossible to get his bearings as he, and whatever he had crashed into, tumbled towards the mountain range below in an absolute free fall.

He didn't even have time to think before his back was crashing to a cliff face and he was sliding through the snow until both he and the other debris came to a stop some 500ft away. Groaning, he levered himself up onto his hands and knees, still trying to make heads or tails of the mess on the helmet's screen. He hurt everywhere. Even with the suit on, he couldn't help feeling like he'd been tossed around by the Hulk.

"Ugh…JARV! What the Hell did I just hit?"

JARVIS was supposed to keep him well away from any other…anythings. It didn't matter if it was a plane, a helicopter, or a God-damned flock of geese, it shouldn't have been something Tony encountered. Dammit, he hoped this wasn't some newly-developed drone for some such from the military. They'd probably try and use the crash as an excuse to get Tony making weapons for them again.

All he'd wanted was to get Pepper those Swiss chocolates she loved so much before Christmas. He'd figured, sure, why not? Throw on the suit and pop on over! It can cross the ocean in only a couple hours. Loki hadn't been pleased to learn he'd be spending Christmas Eve alone in their bed, but Tony knew he could make it up to the god. Loki knew how Tony felt about Christmas

"Apologies, Sir. Nothing has appeared on any of the scanners."

And…okay. That was weird. JARVIS's sensors picked up everything, even things that were supposedly 'cloaked', and if Tony was hearing him right he still couldn't detect anything. Guess it was time to figure this one out the old fashioned way. He pushed himself unsteadily to his feet, the Iron Man armor protesting almost as much as his muscles at the forced movement. The snow around him was a mess like something large had crashed into it, but there was a suspicious lack of debris. Tony frowned.

"What the Hell?"

He'd felt the impact. He was still feeling the impact. There was no way there couldn't be debris. He whirled around to look behind himself. About ten feet away, there was something sticking out of the snow. Tony attempted a step forward, but the suit's piece ground together in protest. Damn. Loki was going to kill him if he didn't make it back by Christmas morning…

"JARVIS, get me out of this suit."

"Sir, I am not sure it would be wise to-"

"Not right now, J! I can't move in this thing! I'm a sitting duck anyway. I at least want to know what the fuck is going on."

Tony was pretty sure JARVIS would have sighed if he were able to.

"Very well, Sir."

The suit wasn't able to peel all the way off, but Tony managed to scramble out of what was left of it. He immediately headed towards the only evidence that he'd even been in a mid-air collision. The first thing he noticed was the boots, black and heavy leather with fine silver buckles. Oh, God…he'd hit some poor fucking mountain man when he'd crashed, some innocent bystander. Great, another death to add to his list.

He trudged closer, the frigid air nipping at his skin. He hoped he got frostbite. He deserved it. Tony hated the blood that drenched his hands. The least he could do was figure out this person's identity and inform his family, promise to take care of them financially for the rest of their lives. He dropped to his knees beside the pile of snow and started digging with his hands.

The man he uncovered was dressed in a red suit with delicate embroideries and a white fur trim. He was a large man, more fat than bulked up, and his hair was as white as his beard. Holy fuck…Tony had run over a guy who not only looked like Santa Claus, but dressed like him. The press was going to have a field day.

"Alright…let's see if you have any identification on you…"

The first place Tony checked was the large pockets on the front of the man's jackets and, miraculously, came up with a card. It was made of heavy paper, extremely good quality, and the name was embossed in an elegant, black script. 'Santa Claus. North Pole.'

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me."

He flipped the card over, hoping to find some other clue to the man's identity. Instead, he found instructions. 'If something should happen to me, put on my suit. The reindeer will know what to do.' A slim red border ran around the edge of the card, but Tony couldn't even be bothered to pay attention to it.

"Reindeer?"

There was a jingle from behind him and Tony whirled around, hands coming out as though to aim the repulsors. They stayed in place out of habit even as his jaw dropped. Eight honest-to-God reindeer stood not ten feet away, snorting and pawing at the snow. A brilliant red sleigh was hooked up behind them. Tony squeezed his eyes shut before blinking them open again. The reindeer were still there. So was the sleigh.

"I'm losing my mind…"

Almost on autopilot, he turned back to look at the man he'd hit…only to find him gone. Only his suit and boots lay in the snow where he had been.

"Oh, God…now he's running around naked…"

But there was no evidence of movement in the surrounding snow…not to mention that there was no possible way that the man could have gotten out of his clothes and out of the area in the few seconds Tony had his back turned. It wasn't logical…

"Oh, this is not happening. This cannot be happening…"

Tony trudged back and forth through the snow, eyes darting back and forth between the abandoned clothes on the ground and the reindeer not far away. He'd all but forgotten about the cold, too busy losing his mind and having mad hallucinations.

"Santa Claus…Santa Claus isn't real!"

He barked in laughter and dragged a hand through his hair. His gaze lingered on the clothes that were laid out in the snow and a truly insane thought wormed its way into his head. If he thought about it…it really could be…couldn't it?

After all, he did have a Norse god waiting for him in his bed and another one living just a few floors below him. Tony had heard enough rants by that goofball Strange to be fully convinced that magic existed in many forms…so why not this one? Why not as the legend of Santa Claus come to life?

But is that were the case…if Santa were actually a real thing…then maybe that card wasn't just fooling around. He absently turned the rectangle of paper over in his fingers, more to have something to do than to actually get a better look at it.

'If something should happen to me, put on my suit. The reindeer will know what to do.'

Well, shit.

He'd probably been in the middle of delivering toys when Tony had taken him out of the air. It was barely past midnight. Santa probably hadn't had the chance yet to get to at least half the children in the world. That would mean a lot of disappointed children in the morning if someone didn't do something.

Cautiously, hardly believing he was actually thinking about this, Tony lifted the pants from the ground. A voice that sounded an awful lot like Natasha whispered in the back of his head about how this could be a trap, a trick by some villain. But Tony couldn't see what the point of it would be if it were. It seemed far too elaborate for something so simple as a kidnapping or trying to kill him. He was already out in the open, exposed and vulnerable without his suit. Surely an enemy would have already made their move by now.

What did he really have to lose, anyway? If it turned out that this really was some elaborate hoax and Tony wound up held hostage or taken prisoner by some supervillain then he'd find his way out. He always did. Or Loki would come get him. Or the team. He'd be okay.

He looked at the pants that were clutched in his hands, fingering the soft velvet material. A grin began to spread across his face as he thought about it. He was starting to like the sound out it. Tony Stark; genius, billionaire, super hero, Santa Claus. It'd be okay for just one night…what was the worst that could happen?


	2. The North Pole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony has been having a great time playing around as Santa Claus, but he's about to find out there's more to this deal than he originally thought...

No doubt about it, Tony was having the absolute best night of his life. Being Santa was _awesome._ Seriously. He was glad the first time he and Loki had sex was in the afternoon, otherwise he'd have to make a choice between the two and he wasn't sure he could. (Which was saying something, considering how absolutely _mind-blowing_ sex with Loki was, even still.)

Tony had always found Loki's magic to be fascinating, even if it was frustrating at times not to be able to understand or replicate it. But the magic he had encountered over the course of the night had been on a whole different level. It was fascinating and it sent the engineer in Tony into an absolute spiral. It seemed to act completely without prompting, like it had a life of its own.

The reindeer really had known what to do. As soon as Tony had the suit on and was in the sleigh, bringing the Iron Man armor with him because there was no way he was leaving it behind, they had taken off and set their very own flight path. The red bag that had been in the back of the sleigh filled with toys at each house, which thankfully saved Tony from having to guess as to which presents went where. And it flew! The bag lifted him off his feet at each and every house to deposit him down the chimney!

Admittedly, he'd been a bit worried at the first house that didn't actually have a chimney, but apparently Christmas Magic had that covered, too. A fireplace was quite literally _created_ at any house he'd been to that didn't already have one. And he got milk and cookies! It was like paradise! There was a little girl he'd spent about an hour talking to before he started actually worrying about the time and told her to go back to sleep. She'd been remarkably well behaved for a kid, he thought, and he'd honestly enjoyed the experience.

But the sun was starting to rise on the horizon and he was pretty sure he'd actually managed to get to all of the houses. He had developed a theory about half-way through the night that there was some kind of time warp involved in the traveling. Otherwise there was no way he would have managed to get it all done. He'd even managed to stop off and get some of that chocolate for Pepper that he'd originally left for.

He felt like he'd done a pretty good job with the whole thing, too. Maybe not perfect, there _had_ been that slight mishap with the canoe, but he'd just been surprised by the weight. Plus, he'd totally put their tree back up and only half the ornaments were broken. They'd probably never even notice. Putting the incident from his mind, Tony picked up the reigns of the sleigh.

"Alright, boys…you mind taking me home?"

The reindeer banked left and Tony laughed into the wind. This was _totally_ worth the trouble he was no doubt going to get in with Loki for not being there when the sun came up. He'd make it up to the God, anyway. He already knew that the way to Loki's heart was best traveled on his own knees. Surely Tony would be able to come up with something.

He ended up dozing off a bit during the ride, which wasn't all that surprising. He'd been up all night, after all. A jerking of the sleigh brought him back to being fully awake, though, and he blinked a few times as he looked around. The land was entirely covered in snow, not a single building or light to be seen. It looked completely barren. There was a tinkling of chains and he whirled around to find the reindeer had come unhitched and were trotting off behind a snow drift.

"H-hey! Wait!"

Great. That's what he got for trusting in a bunch of magical animals. He cast a nervous glance at the back of the sleigh where the Iron Man suit still was. Maybe if he scrapped some of the weapons wiring he'd be able to get the flight function working again long enough to get home…At the very least he could find out where in the world he'd ended up.

Movement caught his attention out of the corner of his eye and he suddenly found himself looking at a kid who couldn't have been more than ten. What the Hell was he doing out here? The boy just looked at Tony for a second before moving across the snow to pull up what looked like a red and white stripped pole with a white globe on top. A small keypad slid out of the side and the kid punched in a short code.

Tony nearly fell over when the ground underneath the sleigh started to sink downward. He grasped the edge of the red contraption in a near-panic and stared in wonder as an underground cavern was revealed. There was an entire society hidden away! The figures bustling around seemed to all stop and stare as he and the sleigh descended. As he drew closer, he noticed they all looked like kids, too…but now he was noticing the fact that their ears were pointed.

"Oh, my God…I'm in the North Pole…"

He didn't even wait for the platform to fully reach the ground before he jumped out of the sleigh and headed towards the nearest elf.

"Hey, hey! Excuse me! Who's in charge here?"

The girl had blonde hair swept up in some kind of bun and was carrying a basket of carrots. She gave him a look like he was an absolute idiot and _ouch._ Okay, he was not used to that.

" _You_ are."

She turned as if to go, but Tony grabbed her shoulder.

"Seriously. I've got to speak to whoever is in charge. I'm kind of on a time crunch here."

Because, yes, Tony was standing in the middle of the North Pole and that was _fucking awesome_ and he would saw off his own leg for a glimpse of Santa's workshop, but he also had a temperamental Norse God waiting for him at home and he really didn't want to make him any more upset than he no doubt already was. Tony still remembered what had happened to the last group who'd managed to kidnap him since he and Loki had gotten together. He _really_ didn't want that to happen here. The girl was still just giving him that damn _look_ though.

"I already told you! You are!"

"No, I mean like…" he cast around for the right words to use. "Who's the Head Elf, kid?"

She rolled her eyes before letting them settle back into a glare.

"I'm not a kid. I've got pointy shoes that are older than you."

"Hey! What's going on here?"

Both Tony and the girl looked up to see a young man striding towards them with black hair that was in tiny braids and a scowl on his face. He had a clip board under one arm and at least six different bags tied to his waist. His ornately embroidered red shirt had billowing sleeves and looked a bit nicer in quality than what everyone else was wearing. Tony was just glad to see someone who looked above the age of sixteen. The girl next to him huffed.

"He started it!"

Tony gaped at her before whipping back to look at the young man.

"I did _not!_ "

The guy didn't even want to hear it.

"And what do you think this is? A coffee break? Why aren't you working?"

His question was aimed pointedly at the girl and she gave him the same eye roll she'd given Tony.

"We don't _drink_ coffee."

"That I guess the break is over, isn't it? Back to work." He dismissed her with a wave and turned to Tony instead. "I'm Bernard. Nice to meetcha, Santa."

It didn't sound like he thought it was very nice. Bernard turned away before Tony could even respond, though, and was already striding way. Tony scrambled to catch up. The upside of being in the North Pole, he noted absently, was that at least he was finally the tallest person in the room.

"Hey, listen, are you in charge here?"

Bernard barely cast him a sideways glance.

"The other Santa disappeared, right?"

Tony drew up short, bringing Bernard to a halt with him.

"How did you know the other guy was gone?"

Bernard gave him a pat on the shoulder before turning and starting to walk again.

"Follow me if you want out of those clothes."

They passed into a room almost as cavernous as the first one they'd been in, but this one was filled with elves making toys. Tony was briefly sidetracked by the sight of what was going on around him. It was horrifying! Trains, dollhouses, robots, stuffed animals…all being made by _hand!_ Hadn't they ever heard of the production line? Any modern marvel over the last fifty years? He barely even managed to hear Bernard's next words.

"You put on the suit, right? That makes _you_ the new Santa Claus."

His head whipped around like he'd been slapped.

"What? You mean, like, _the_ Santa Claus? I'm not just a stand in for the night?"

Bernard popped up a short flight of stairs to grab a large cookie and bring it back down. He handed it over to Tony without comment and, despite all of the cookies he'd already managed to eat that night, Tony took it.

"You read the card, right? By putting on the pants and jacket, you accepted the contract."

Tony froze mid-chew.

"What contract?"

"The card in the Santa suit. By reading it and donning the clothes, you fell subject to the Santa Clause."

"The Santa Claus? You mean that guy I ran into?"

Bernard was walking away again and Tony was starting to find it very, very annoying.

"No, no, no. Not Santa Claus the person, Santa Clause the _clause._ "

"What?"

Bernard looked utterly exasperated.

"Look, you're a business man, right? A clause as in the last line of a contract."

Tony just stared at him, his brain working in over time to catch up with these new developments. He could feel the first beginnings of dread curling in his stomach. He had a bad feeling about where this was headed.

"So what exactly does that mean? For me?"

"You've got the card, right?"

Tony quickly pulled it from his pocket and passed it over, hoping against hope to resolve this quickly and without incident. Maybe this was all just a misunderstanding. Bernard moved the last couple of steps and held the card out under a magnifier, one of the huge industrial kind used by jewelers. Tony squinted through the glass in confusion before realizing that the tiny red border was actually made up of words. Besides him, Bernard continued to talk.

"Alright, The Santa Clause. 'By putting on this suit and entering the sleigh, the wearer waves any and all rights to any previous identity, real or implied, and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities of Santa Claus to perpetuity until such time as the wearer becomes unable to do so by either accident or design.'"

Tony could only blink, for the first time in his life, not comprehending what was going on around him.

"What?"

Bernard looked like he wanted to strangle him.

"It means you put of the suit, you're the big guy."

Tony was just shaking his head, leaning against a nearby countertop.

"When can I leave this place?"

For the first time, Barnard looked like he might actually feel a touch of sympathy. His voice was still stern when he spoke, though.

"You leave tomorrow morning. You have eleven months to get your affairs in order and you're due back here Thanksgiving."

Tony immediately threw a hand up, shaking his head.

" _I'll ship the List to your house._ " Bernard all but growled and that, it seemed, was that.


	3. Home Coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wakes up back in his bed in New York and has a bit of a freak out. Luckily, Loki is there to calm him down.

Tony awoke to cool lips trailing kisses along the back of his neck. He settled back against a familiar chest with a hum of appreciation and felt said chest move as Loki chuckled softly in his ear. In his half-awake state, Tony couldn't even find it in him to be annoyed that he was so clearly being laughed at. The bed shifted as Loki leaned over to kiss him on the cheek.

"Either I was exceptionally tired last night or your stealth skills have improved quite dramatically. I never even heard you come to bed."

Tony's lips twitched upward in a grin.

"What can I say, babe? It was magic."

Loki scoffed behind him. Tony had been using that excuse since they'd first gotten together, but he knew Loki secretly found it just as amusing as he did.

"Let me guess, Christmas magic? Did you at least get the chocolates for Ms. Potts?"

Like a shock to his system, Tony's brain finally kicked into gear as the night before came rushing back to him. He shot up into a sitting position, Loki making a startled noise at the sudden movement. He remembered the crash, the suit, the sleigh, the gifts, the North Pole, Bernard, _the clause._

"Anthony?"

Loki's voice was concerned and a long fingered hand curled around his shoulder. Tony glanced down at it and noticed for the first time that he was wearing some red, silk pajama get up. The button up top was embroidered with the initials S.C. right over his heart. He remembered it distinctly from when the female elf had brought it to him in the North Pole the night before along with a steaming mug of hot cocoa that had knocked him out like a sleeping pill.

As soon as his brain connected the dots Tony was up again, scrambling to get out of the bed so fast that he got tangled in the sheet and fell out instead. He found his feet again after only a moment and popped up like he was in a whack-a-mole game. Unintelligible babble spilled out of his mouth as he beat at the shirt like he could make it disappear. Suddenly a wide-eyed Loki was in front of him, taking hold of his hands and stopping his self-beating.

"Anthony, look at me. I need you to breathe. Can you do that for me?"

System still flooded with panic, Tony's eyes flickered up to meet Loki's. He breathed in shakily before letting it out. Loki smiled at him softly while he guided the mortal back to sit on the bed. They sat there for several long moments as Tony tried to re-adjust and Loki stroked soothing circles into his back. Tony leaned into his boyfriend, savoring the comfort Loki provided.

"How can-" Tony had to stop and clear his throat before trying again. "How can you be so calm about this?"

Loki made a small noise of confusion, nudging him towards expounding upon his question. Tony couldn't imagine where that confusion could have come from.

"Loki…I've been missing for over a day."

The hand on his back froze and Tony moved away just enough so that he could comfortably look Loki in the face. Loki _looked_ confused, but he also had that look on his face that said he was going to figure out whatever problem he was facing and make it his bitch.

"Tell me what day it is, Anthony."

The inventor's brows drew together.

"The 26th."

Loki was nodding in thought.

"JARVIS? The date, if you will."

"Today is the 25th of December, Sirs, Christmas day. May I be the first to wish you both a Merry Christmas on this happy holiday."

Tony wanted to say that was impossible. He'd left on Christmas Eve, been gone all night, and spent the next day in the North Pole arguing with Bernard before going to bed _still in the North Pole_. He didn't have any recollection of coming home at all, but that was by far the least crazy part of the situation. He groaned pitiably and let his face drop into his hands.

"I fucking _hate_ magic."

He didn't need to see Loki's face to know he was arching one delicate eyebrow. The hand on his back moved up to gently massage his neck, blunt nails scratching lightly at his hair line.

"Are you hurt?"

Trust Loki to get right to the point of the matter. Tony wanted to lean into him again, to curl up back in bed and pretend like nothing happened. Instead he pushed himself back to standing and headed for the closet. At the very least, he can get out of these pajamas. He dropped a kiss on Loki's lips as he stood.

"No. I'm not hurt. I just had a really bad experience," his face scrunches up in thought, "last night, I guess."

He stripped out of the pajamas and shoved them back into the far reaches of the walk-in closet, hoping they'll get lost there. Loki had moved to lean against the doorway, arms crossed over his bare chest and hair falling across his shoulders. His eyes were tracking Tony through his movements like a worried mother hen.

"What kind of experience? And know before you answer that if I have to keep dragging every detail out of you then I won't be pleased."

Tony sighed heavily, pulling on a pair of old jeans that were a bit too baggy but undeniably comfortable. No one but the team was going to see him today anyway. He pulled a black tank top on over his head before turning back to his lover.

"When I was on the way to get those chocolates for Pep I crashed into something midair. I had no idea what it was. JARVIS couldn't pick it up on his scanners." Something clicked in his head and his eyes immediately darted upwards. "J? Where's the suit?"

He'd left it in the sleigh. Was it still in the North Pole?

"All current models of the Iron Man armor have been put away in the lab, Sir. The armor from last night is laid out on a work table to await repairs."

A huge weight slid off his shoulders. The suits were precious to him, but they were also highly dangerous in the wrong hands. It wasn't that he thought the elves would use it for something nefarious; it just gave him more peace of mind to have it with him. Loki was eying him suspiciously.

"Exactly how bad was this crash?"

His tone promised trouble if Tony even so much as _thought_ about lying to him.

"I won't know just how extensive the damage was until I'm able to actually take a look in the lab, but it was pretty bad. We both ended up crashing into the ground after the collision with each other."

"We?"

Tony swallowed nervously, knowing this was the part that was going to make him sound totally crazy.

"I crashed into Santa."

So Tony told him the whole story, about how the man had vanished and Tony had put on the suit, how he'd gone around delivering presents and would up at the North Pole. He told Loki about Bernard and the little she-elf (Julie? Katherine? Patricia? Something like that.) and about the clause that demanded he give up his current identity to become the new Santa. He avoided looking at Loki through most of it but let his eyes wander back shyly at the end of his tale.

Against all expectations, Loki was smiling at him. It wasn't a grin that said he thought Tony was joking. It was an actual smile, soft and full of so much affection that Tony could only gape at him. Loki crossed the space of the closet in only two steps and bent slightly to press a kiss to the top of Tony head.

"It seems you have had quite the night. Let us enjoy this Christmas with your team, as you have talked of nothing else all month. We can deal with this situation tomorrow, though I'm going to have to ask you not to go out again tonight. I'd hate to hear what else you managed to get yourself into."

If Tony had been gaping before, there weren't words to describe how shocked he was now.

"That's it? That's all you're gonna say?"

Loki chuckled.

"Oh, we'll have much to talk about later on…but that is all for now. Let's just enjoy the holiday, shall we? I'm sure your teammates are already waiting for us."


	4. Shaking Things Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally get that introduction between Loki and Bernard so many people have asked about.

It took the team all of two seconds to figure out that something wasn't right with Tony, and even less time for Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy. Rhodey's mom, who'd been coming for every holiday celebration since Tony'd stopped attending them at her house, had taken one look at him and headed for the kitchen.

"I'll heat up some of the apple crumble from last night, sweetheart. You take a seat."

Thankfully, nobody actually asked what was wrong, but that probably had more to do with Loki's glaring than a lack of curiosity. Even Thor seemed to get the message. Christmas proceeded with all the same traditions it always had, with Mrs. Rhodes at the helm. In fact, Tony even managed to almost forget about his new, magical predicament until Pepper unwrapped the very box of chocolates he'd left to get her.

"Oh, Tony! I haven't had these in ages! You spoil me!"

He hugged her back automatically, trying not to let on just how shaken seeing the gift had left him. Loki shared a look with him over his CEO's shoulder, but said nothing. By the time lunch rolled around, Tony was exhausted. Just in an effort to get away for a bit and collect himself, he excused himself from the table under the premise of refilling his glass.

"I'd assume," Natasha's voice from behind made him nearly jump out of his skin, "that there wasn't an immediate threat, since you haven't told us what's going on, but I think we both know that wouldn't be the truth. You'd just try and handle it by yourself."

" _Jesus_ , Nat. Give a guy a little warning!"

She moved from her place in the doorway to stand next to him, laying one hand on his elbow and expression actually concerned.

"We're a team, Tony, and we're here to help each other. One of these days you're going to have to get that through your thick skull. So if you need anything, we're here."

Tony's fingers tightened around his glass.

"You're not going to ask what's going on?"

She shook her head, making her curls sway just a bit. She'd done herself up in the name of the season. It was weird, to Tony, who always named Christmas as a day to stay in PJ's and not brush your hair.

"I won't push you. You have to learn to trust us on your own."

The genius's eyes dropped to the countertop in guilt. His fingers twitched with the urge to fiddle with something.

"I do trust you guys."

It came off softly, more pitiful that he would have liked. He cursed himself mentally, knowing that of anyone on the team, Natasha would be the one to pick every little nuance apart. Just those five little words and she'd probably know the name of that elf that'd brought him the hot chocolate…the one _he_ couldn't remember the name of. The assassin patted his arm before retreating back into her own bubble.

"Just…we're here for you, Tony."

She turned and left the kitchen before he had a chance to respond, leaving Tony feeling even more miserable than before. Pepper's laugh carried in from the other room and he just suddenly felt like everything was closing in. He couldn't go back out there and smile, pretending everything was alright. The genius left his glass on the counter as he ran away to his workshop.

That was where Loki found him almost an hour later. Tony was collapsed over a table, chin resting on his folded arms, and was staring blankly at a snow globe that he remembered being handed the night before. Loki stood silently beside him and began carding his fingers through Tony's hair.

"Bernard gave it to me. I'm pretty sure it's magic."

Loki reached out to pluck the globe off the table and turn it over in his hands.

"Bernard?"

"He's the Head Elf, apparently. He told me about the clause."

"And you're interrupting the only break I get all year. This had better be good."

Tony really wasn't sure his heart could take all the stress of having people pop up around him at random. Bernard himself appeared perfectly at home lounging on Tony's lab couch, chowing down on an apple. Loki was instantly on guard, pressing close to Tony's side as if to shield him.

"You are the one responsible for Anthony's curse?"

Bernard looked utterly unimpressed at the god's animosity.

"First of all, not a curse. Second of all, he's the one who put on the suit. Don't blame me…Who're you, anyway? The globe's not supposed to summon me when other people are around, but when the big man calls…"

Loki growled at the elf's flippant nonchalance.

"I am Loki, God of Mischief and Fire, born of Jotunheim and raised of Asgard. I am known as Silvertongue, Lie-smith, and Scarlip. My power is feared throughout the Nine Realms and no enemy has ever escaped my wrath. I am a king slayer and once nearly destroyed an entire realm on my own. It would be good advice to not raise my ire, elf."

Bernard looked unimpressed.

"Yeah, great title. Excellent delivery. Why did you summon me?"

Tony was about to protest that he _hadn't_ when his eyes fell back to the snow globe on his table.

"This summons you? How?"

"You mean you summoned me on _accident?_ "

"Technically, Loki did. He was the one messing with it."

Bernard's glare instantly snapped from Tony to Loki, which was actually pretty interesting since the god was glaring icily right back. Bernard looked him up and down.

"The two of you wouldn't happen to be together, would you? Romantically, I mean."

"Ummm…yes?" Tony replied hesitantly.

The elf groaned and wiped a hand over his face. He stayed like that for a few moments before throwing his hands up in the air.

"You know what? No. I'm not dealing with this. I am on _vacation_ and this is not my problem right now." He stood up clearly still in a huff and pointed an accusatory finger in their direction. "I'll send Curtis by to figure everything out. _After_ my vacation."

And then he was gone, vanished into thin air. Tony wanted to hit his head repeatedly against the closest hard surface.

"Well, that's explained exactly nothing at all."

Loki snatched up the snow globe, very clearly still angered.

"You brought back this and the pajamas," he all but hissed, "was there anything else?"

"Uh…Pep's chocolates, I think. I don't know if those count."

Loki nodded stiffly and whirled around to stalk toward the lab's entrance. Tony scrambled to follow him.

"Where are you going?"

"To retrieve the items you brought back. I must examine this magic if I am to break its hold on you…" He turned back around and pulled Tony close, surprising the genius and pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I will fix this, Anthony. I swear it."

"I know," Tony said, even though a part of him wasn't sure he _wanted_ to completely give this up, "I trust you."

Loki gazed at him for a long moment before turning to head off again. Tony watched him go with a feeling of heaviness settling in his chest. He felt like this was all his fault, for crashing that night, for putting on that damned suit. Why did his life always have to be so complicated?


	5. Curtis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony meets someone new.

Loki had been gone a week, _an entire week,_ and Tony was pretty sure his nerves were getting completely fried in the meantime. His eating habits had turned into something out of nightmare, scarfing sweets left and right. He's put on nearly fifteen pounds by the time it was New Years! He refused to leave the tower, wouldn't even go to the lower levels for business meetings. Rhodey and Mrs. Rhodes had thankfully left before the worst of it hit, but the rest of the team was around to witness his downfall into utter insanity.

Tony jumped at the slightest noises and spent every second of every day stressed. He couldn't even lock himself away in his lab because he'd get a couple hours of work done and then suddenly find himself working on the design for some toy or a way to streamline production in the North Pole. He was pretty sure he had more grey in his hair than he did before, too. The worst part was that Tony clearly wasn't the only one who thought he was falling apart, either.

The team practically tiptoed around him, treating him as if he were made of glass. Thor hadn't raised his voice above the level of a normal human being since Tony had almost had a heart attack from it just the day after Christmas. Bruce and Steve both seemed intent to hover at the edges of just about everything Tony did without actual approaching him with their concerns. Even Barton was being exceptionally nice to him.

Natasha was the only one who even came close to behaving typically in his presence anymore. Well, it wasn't typical for her but it at least made his feel like he hadn't gone off the deep end. Natasha would often join him in the kitchen if he was making cookies (something he did rather often now) or would come visit him in the lab just before he branched off into a 'Santa' project. He had no idea how she knew, but he'd never been more thankful for her super ninja skills.

He still hadn't told any of his teammates about what had taken place on Christmas Eve. There were times he wanted to, like when Steve got that look in his eye while watching Tony down an entire tub of ice cream not an hour after breakfast, but he couldn't quite bring himself to. Sure, they lived in a world where super heroes and gods existed, but Santa Claus? Besides, a not-so-small part of him was still hoping that Loki would reappear with some magical solution and he could forget everything that had happened like it was just a bad dream. That could totally happen, right?

His dreams were only slightly crushed when, nine days after Christmas, some kid stepped off of the elevator and onto the communal Avenger's floor. He was a bit on the chubby side, in overalls and pointy shoes that Tony knew could only mean one thing. The elf at least had enough sense to wear a hat that covered his ears. He pushed his glasses further up his nose as he glanced around.

"Who the Hell are you?" Barton asked, dropping down from the ceiling.

Steve looked horrified.

"Clint! Language!"

The elf just waved them off, shuffling the huge book he was carrying under one arm.

"It's not a problem. I've heard worse."

Steve didn't seem too happy about that, but he at least accepted it. Tony was still frozen in place, earning himself a calculating look from Natasha who'd been keeping him company through his second bowl of sugary cereal.

"My question still stands, kid," Barton grumbled. To be fair, he had plenty of reason not to underestimate someone based on their age. "Who are you?"

The elf thrust his hand forward in a clear invitation to shake.

"I'm Curtis! Bernard sent me."

"Yes!" Tony shoved himself to his feet and startled everyone in the room. "Bernard! From Legal! You're his kid!"

The genius was pretty sure not even Thor believed him. He couldn't exactly blame them, but that didn't mean he was about to give up the farce either.

"He said he was sending you up with some paperwork. Big fan of Iron Man, right? Let's take you down to the lab and I'll show you the suits!"

He hustled the elf back into the elevator before there could be any protests and sagged in relief as soon as the doors were closed. Curtis was looking at him with one eyebrow raised.

"What's Iron Man?"

Tony gaped at him, momentarily distracted by how horrible and awful having and _elf_ show up at the tower was.

"What's-Are you serious? You've never heard of Iron Man?"

Curtis's nose wrinkled.

"Should I have?" Tony gaped at him for a long moment before the elf burst out laughing. "I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Of course I've heard of Iron Man! Action figures make up a good chunk of what kids ask for and Iron Man is one of the most popular."

That actually lifted Tony's spirits a bit. Let it never be said that his ego had been stroked enough. Besides, he appreciated that Curtis at least seemed to have a sense of humor. He led the way into his lab once the doors slid open and shooed DUM-E away irritably when the bot rolled over to check out the newcomer.

"Alright," he said as he leaned against one of the worktables, "Bernard said he was sending you but he didn't exactly say why. Something about me being in a relationship with Loki?"

"As in the Norse god?"

Tony paused, narrowing his eyes at the elf.

"…I honestly have no idea if you're messing with me or not."

Curtis grinned.

"Isn't that the best part?" He ignored Tony's glare and hefted the book he'd been carrying onto the worktable. "This book holds all the rules and regulations that go along with being Santa Claus. I'm the Keeper of the book. It's a very important responsibility."

He looked over his glasses at Tony like any of that was actually supposed to make an impact.

"So you can tell me how to null and void all this, then? I can get back to my life?"

Curtis gave him a look that reminded Tony quite strongly of that first elf he'd spoken to, the one that severely questioned his intelligence. He wondered idly if they were related.

"You put on the suit, dude. You're Santa!"

"Dude? Who says dude anymore?"

"Hey! I'm several hundred years old! I can say whatever I want!"

"Funny," he sneered discourteously, "because you still act like a child."

The elf looked entirely unimpressed.

"Look, this magic is all very old and very powerful and there have been a lot of different Santas over the years. Trust me, it'd be better in the long run for you to just accept that this is going to happen." He gestured at Tony with a hand. "The magic's already started to take effect, right?"

Tony froze.

"What?"

"Weight gain? Hair turning white? Sudden sweet tooth? These are the first signs of the transformation."

"Transformation?"

Tony's voice came out sounding strangled, but it didn't faze the elf for a second.

"It's a lot to take in, I know, but you'll get used to it. They all do. Just wait till you interact with a kid for the first time. That's always fun for the new Santas to experience. Anyway, we've got a lot of ground to cover and not a lot of time. I've only got six hours before I have to head back to the North Pole so I need you to pay attention."

"To what?"

Curtis rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"To the rules! As Santa, you're expected to know and follow all of the rules in the book! I'll be around to help you, but you've got to know them, too. Let's start with the Mrs. Clause, shall we? We've got a little bit more time on this one than we did with our last Santa, thank goodness, which means you've got almost an entire year to find a wife."

Tony thought he might have blacked out at that part.


	6. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Curtis and Tony have a talk, then Natasha and Tony have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right! It's back! And in full force! Merry Christmas, everyone!

"You can't be serious! I can't get _married!_ "

Curtis remained completely unsympathetic to his desperate shouting.

"Look, I didn't make the rules, I just keep them. Our last Santa only had a week to find a wife. You have a year! You'll do fine!"

Tony stared at the elf like he'd lost his mind.

"Did we not already cover the fact that I'm dating a Norse god? A very male Norse god? Did you miss that part of the conversation?"

Curtis just shrugged.

"I admit it's not an issue we'd encountered before. New age progression, though, I guess it was bound to happen eventually. The rules weren't made when same-sex couples were really an issue. I don't think they were taken into account."

"And how exactly does that help in my situation?"

Tony knew he probably shouldn't be jumping down the elf's throat, but he could hardly help it. He was under a lot of stress, okay?

"Hey, I wish I could help, but there's really nothing I can do. As I said, I didn't make the rules. What I can tell you is they've been pretty adaptable over the years so far. Times change and the magic behind Santa Claus understands that. It's just like the Tooth Fairy compensating for inflation or Cupid having to deal with all this online dating crap."

Tony did a double take.

"Cupid and the Tooth Fairy are real, too?"

"Right along with all the other 'myths' the people of the world so readily dismiss. You're one of the leaders of the Council, by the way. Next meeting is in June. It was going to be in February but the Easter Bunny through a fit about it being too close to his holiday. Good news for you, the last Santa hosted this past year so you won't be expected to host for another four years. It'll give you some time to settle in, get to know everyone."

Tony was feeling distinctly overwhelmed.

"And who's hosting this year?"

"Mother Nature. Lovely woman. She's been the same person for the last seventy-five years now. She's been handling this pollution and global warming stuff like a pro, I'll give her that. I guess she's kind of an old hat at it by this point, though."

"Seventy-fi-And she's human?"

Curtis gave another of his little shoulder shrugs.

"In a manner of speaking. I mean, all of the myths start out human, just like you did. Once the magic takes hold it's sort of hard to put a label on it, though."

Tony just nodded numbly. The elf gave him a sympathetic smile.

"I don't know if I can do this."

"All the Santas think the same thing at the beginning. I have a theory that the magic goes ahead and picks the next Santa, though. You'll do fine."

Tony's eyes danced over to where a few of the projects he'd been working on to improve productivity in the North Pole were still up on his holoscreens.

"If I give you some things, could you make sure they got to Bernard?"

"Absolutely," Curtis's curls bobbed right along with his nodding. "I'm sort of like his second in command. Well, third in command counting you."

"Right." Tony couldn't really be sure how he felt about that, but he moved over toward the computer terminals anyway and started moving all of the projects he'd finished onto a flash drive. "Well, I've been working on a couple things. Nothing major, mostly just playing around. It should help up productivity levels and output at the Pole, though. I mean, we'll lose some time putting the new systems in place but we should be able to make up for that and then some by the time next Christmas comes around."

Curtis beamed at him as he accepted the drive.

"See? You're already doing great. I'll leave this with you." He passed over a stack of papers that rivaled most of the ones Pepper brought Tony to sign. "It's a summary of all the rules and little notes to make sure everything is clear and easy to understand. I'd planned to stick around and go over it with you, but it sounds like I should get these plans back as soon as possible. You can contact Bernard if you have any questions. You've still got the snow globe, right?"

Tony actually looked sheepish.

"Loki took it."

Another shrug.

"Well, Bernard's bound to know if you need him anyway. See yah later!"

He was gone before Tony could even blink. The genius glanced down at the stack of papers in his hands before setting them aside and letting out a groan. He dragged a hand through his hair.

"Hey, J?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"I need some cookies. Preheat the oven, would you?"

Natasha met him there, perched on top of a stool at the bar as though she were planning to spend the entire day staring at the tile and cabinetry. She gave him a small smile as he entered.

"Chocolate chip or sugar?"

"Sugar," he grunted out. "And I'm making frosting to go with them."

She hummed in agreement.

"Stressful morning, then. Any idea when Loki's getting back?"

Tony frowned, not even wanting to think about that. He started pulling out the necessary ingredients while Natasha slid from her seat and grabbed a few cookie sheets to grease for him.

"Hopefully soon."

It came out more pitiful than he'd intended, but Tony ignored it in favor of making sure he got all the measurements right. He didn't even need to look at a recipe anymore.

"I'm sure it will be," Natasha soothed as he mixed everything together. "He never could stay away from you for long."

She offered him another smile that Tony attempted to return. He really couldn't be sure how successful he was. He sighed as he finished the mixing and moved to spooning the dough out onto the trays. He really didn't feel like cutting out shapes today, or at least not for this batch. Natasha snuck a finger into the batter to eat some raw.

"I've just got a lot going on, I guess," Tony confessed. "Loki's trying to help, but I admit I'd feel better with him here."

Natasha hummed her understanding as he finished dolling out the dough and slid the sheets into the oven. JARVIS would keep them monitored better than any timer could. Tony headed to the fridge to pour them each a glass of milk.

"The team's worried about you, you know."

"I know." And he felt damn guilty about it, too. "I'll tell you all what's going on. I will. I just-I want to wait till Loki is back."

Natasha nodded her agreement and said no more on the subject. They sat in companionable silence until the timer dinged, sipping their milk. Tony was just removing the cookies from the oven when Loki swept into the room. He ran one wrathful eye over the stunned genius before slapping the tray of cookies in his hand to the ground, no doubt giving himself a nasty burn in the process. He growled savagely.

"No cookies!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!

Loki seemed absolutely caught up in a fit of rage. His hair was wild, a cloud of darkness sheathing emerald eyes that glowed with anger and a snarling mouth. The anger only seemed to grow as he swept his gaze over Tony's form and the genius suddenly felt more conscious of the extra pounds he had added than ever before. He kind of wanted to cower and hide even though he would have given anything for the god's presence just minutes before. Natasha was out of her seat and poised on the balls of her feet, ready to intervene.

"I see this magic," Loki spat the word, "has already begun to take hold of you."

Tony winced and avoided the other's gaze. He couldn't bear to think that the other would look at him in disgust. If there'd been something he could have done to change it, he would have. Didn't Loki know that? Didn't he realize this was not at all something that Tony wanted?

"I think you need to stand down," came Natasha's stony voice from his elbow and Tony nearly jumped out of his skin.

He hadn't even noticed her moving but there she was. Her eyes were glued to Loki, daring him to make a move against her.

"Stay out of this, quim," Loki growled. "You don't have any idea what you're involving yourself in."

She didn't give him an inch.

"Then explain it to me, because what I may not have the story here but I can sure as Hell see that you're jumping down Tony's throat when what he needs is support. Whatever's going on is ripping him apart and you need to either get on board with being in his corner or go back to wherever you've been for the past week."

The storm seemed to build for one ominous moment before Loki dropped his head, his entire frame sagging.

"You are correct, though it pains me to admit it. I have reacted…poorly."

Still cautious, Tony edged toward him slowly.

"It's okay. There's a lot of stress going around right now."

Loki reached for him, pulling him in to hold him tightly.

"It is a poor excuse. I should not have treated you so. I wish only that I could bring you better news to make up for my transgressions."

Tony's heart sank.

"You found nothing?"

Loki shook his head.

"Nothing to break this curse with, to be sure. This magic is much too powerful for me to combat. I have sought out all of my old tutors who would help me as well and none of them were able to advise me on these matters. The magic you have encountered is ancient indeed."

"Would Dr. Strange be able to help?"

Tony winced at the reminder that Natasha was still there. She wasn't asking questions but he knew this was still the time to tell her. She deserved it, even, for not pressing but still being there for him.

"I have already consulted with him," Loki admitted. "Though he is no fan of mine, I had an item of great value he was willing to trade for. Sadly, he was not able to provide any insights to me except for pointing me in the direction of several rumors he had heard many years ago. It was chasing down those rumors that kept me gone for quite so long as I was."

"And?" Tony pressed. "Where did they take you? Did you find anything useful?"

Loki sighed and moved away to enter the dining area. He sank down into one of the chairs around the table, clearly exhausted. The genius noticed for the first time the bags that were beginning to show under the god's eyes as well as the even-paler-than-usual tone of his skin. He sat in the next chair over and took Loki's hand in his own, rubbing his thumb gently across the knuckles.

"It is too early to tell," Loki finally admitted. "There was much that could not be substantiated but it is possible that I found a ritual that would suppress some of the," he glanced up and down Tony's body, "side effects of this curse. It would not remove it, though, even if it were to prove successful." He sighed heavily. "And I cannot even guarantee that."

"It's a place to start, though," Tony tried to remain optimistic. "That's better than nothing, right?"

Loki's smile was tight-lipped and tense.

"You are correct, but I cannot find it in myself to feel joyous until we know something a bit more concrete."

"Sleep would help," Natasha threw in from where she was leaning up against the doorway. "You look exhausted and even you need to get some rest every once in a while."

Loki was silent for a long moment before nodding and standing.

"There is logic in your words. I will retire for now." He leaned down to pull Tony in for a long, slow kiss. "I shall find you when I wake, my love, and we shall return to this matter once more. Please do not take my earlier actions to be the feelings in my heart. You are mine," he pinned Tony with a fierce gaze, "and there is no magic in all of the Nine Realms, no matter how old or powerful, that will ever be able to change that."

Tony couldn't help the grin that slipped onto his face.

"Love you, too, Lo. Get some rest."

The god nodded his acknowledgement as he swept out of the room and disappeared. Natasha slipped into his seat just moments later, giving Tony an assessing look.

"I'm not asking for details, but are you alright?"

"I'm turning into Santa."

She snorted.

"I know you're probably freaking out about putting on a few pounds and getting a little extra white in your hair, but it's really not that bad. Look, whatever magic curse you've been hit with, I'm sure Loki will be able to work it out. There's no one better at this sort of thing than he is. It's half the reason Director Fury agreed to keeping him out of custody."

"No, Nat, seriously." She stared at him. "The magic curse thing? Long story short is it's turning me into Santa. I've got a year to get everything in order or break this shit because after that it consumes me and I go full-Santa and go live in the North Pole and give up all rights to who I am now. Poof." He grimaced. "No more Tony Stark."

She stared at him for a long moment.

"You know, my first instinct is to think you're messing with me, but given the life we lead…"

Tony's chuckle sounded kind of like he was going to break down any moment.

"Yeah, I had a similar reaction when I found out."

"And all of this happened Christmas Eve?"

He told her the whole story, throwing in the visits from Bernard and Curtis after the fact. His eyes drifted upwards as through he could spot the god resting in their shared bedroom through the ceiling.

"Loki doesn't know about Curtis yet. I guess that's one of the things we're going to have to talk about later."

Natasha sat back and let out a heavy gust of air. It was pretty much as ruffled as she ever got.

"Well, I'm not going to say it's hard to believe."

"It's impossible!"

Her lips twitched upward.

"Yeah, how many times have we heard that since the team got together?"

He dipped his head in her direction in acknowledgement.

"Fair enough. You think I should tell the rest of the team?" She gave him a condescending look. "Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops. Skipped a chapter. This is the one that was supposed to be here.

"So…yeah," Tony said as he shifted from foot to foot, "that's about it."

The team stared at him.

"Am I hallucinating?" Clint asked, looking around. "I feel like I might be hallucinating."

Natasha gave him the stink eye and he shut up.

"I thought this 'Santa' was just a story among your people."

"Don't forget we were once thought to be only stories as well," Loki said. "I can verify myself that the magic at work here is very real indeed."

"And there's nothing you can do about it?" Steve asked.

Loki's eye twitched. The genius shuffled a bit closer to him, knowing that the reminder would only anger him.

"Loki's been able to dig up some leads on how to combat some of it, but nothing that would fix it."

Bruce was rubbing his temples as though to sooth away a headache.

"I'm still trying to figure out how you manage to get yourselves into all these crazy situations," he said. "I've never met someone who was such a magnet for trouble before this."

Tony couldn't help the grin that worked its way onto his face.

"You know, part of me wants to take that as a compliment."

"Don't."

"I think what we need to be focusing on," Natasha cut in, "is how we can help. Without a way to break the spell, we have to find a way to adapt to this situation so that Tony doesn't have to give up his entire life come next Christmas."

The room lapsed into silence for a long moment and Steve looked thoughtful.

"This might be incredibly stupid, but why couldn't you just do both?"

Tony's eyebrows shot upward.

"What?"

"I mean, I know you're already super busy with everything you do but why couldn't you just be Ironman _and_ Santa?"

"Yeah, the elves didn't really add that in as an option."

"Did you ask?"

Tony shot a glare at the archer.

"No, I didn't ask! I was too busy freaking out over the fact that they'd just told me I'd somehow signed away all rights to my own existence."

"Hmmm…" The sound drew Tony's attention to the god at his side, who had pulled the snow globe from some pocket dimension and was looking at it speculatively. "Perhaps we should, then."

"Oh, man," the genius groaned. "Bernard is gonna be so pissed."

Loki ignored him as he shook the bauble to activate it.

"You have to be the most irritating Santa I've ever had the displeasure of working with. I hope you know that."

The elf had appeared at Clint's elbow with a plate of cookies, making the archer jump.

"Bernard!"

"I see the change is already begun to take hold. Curtis mentioned that."

He held a cookie out to Tony, who took it without even thinking about it. His eyes lit up as he bit in.

"Do these have walnuts in them?"

"And pecans."

Tony hummed his pleasure.

"Good man. You're totally my new favorite."

The team stared.

"So," Bernard rotated to stare blandly right back at them, "I see you've been spreading the knowledge of your new status with wild abandon. You do realize this is supposed to be a secret, right?"

"They're my team. They were going to find out eventually. Be glad it was now and not when they stormed the North Pole after you magically kidnap me."

"Listen, son." Steve stepped forward. "We've just got a couple questions."

"Don't 'son' me. I'm old enough to be your grandfather's grandfather and then some. You might be a relic to most of the people you interact with but you're nothing more than a kid to me." Bernard snorted. "Not even a hundred years old and you're coppin' an attitude. Amazing."

Steve looked gobsmacked. Tony couldn't help but find it the slightest bit amusing.

"So, hey," he broke back into the conversation, "we were wondering if there was any way I could maybe talk you into letting me keep both my identities. I mean, Tony Stark is kind of a big name to just disappear, you know."

Bernard rolled his eyes and held out the plate of cookies. Tony took another one gleefully. When Clint tried to sneak one, the elf batted his hand away.

"Look, boss man, I keep telling you it's not my call and I mean it. The magic does what it wants. There's nobody pulling the strings on it."

Loki hmmm-ed.

"It would not be the first case of sentient magic in history, though it is certainly the most powerful I have seen. Mjolnir," he tilted his head towards Thor, "works on a similar principle. The hammer herself is the one who choses whether or not her bearer is worthy."

Bernard looked irritated.

"Yeah, well, point is, not my department. You're barking up the wrong snowman here."

"So what you're saying is that it's not impossible. I could totally keep both identities."

"What I'm saying is that you read the card, you know the clause. Anything past that is out of my hands."

Steve scratched the back of his head, cheeks reddening.

"I'm not saying it's the path you should take, but," he sent Tony a wide-eyed look, " _Santa._ "

Tony grinned right back.

"I know. Why do you think I put on the suit in the first place?"

"Yeah, great. Woop-dee-doo-da. You got any milk in this joint?"

Tony pointed him in the direction of the kitchen.

"There should be some in the fridge. Glasses are in the top cabinet right next to it. Oh, by the way," he suddenly remembered, "did Curtis give you those plans I asked him to pass along? For the production lines?"

Bernard's face brightened, if only by a fraction. It was possibly the happiest Tony had ever seen him.

"Why do you think I brought you cookies? It wasn't to reward you for running your mouth off."

Tony beamed.

"Awesome, right? I'm thinking they can speed up productivity by at least 300%. Optimistic, I know, but they've become the dominant process in the just about every industry for a reason."

Bernard scoffed.

"What's next, robots?"

The genius winked.

"Really. Don't tempt me."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If this looks like a repost to anyone, it's because I'm an idiot and forgot to upload a chapter where it was supposed to be. Go back and read the real chapter 8.

"Dude," Clint spoke up from the doorway of the lab, "you need to get out of this place."

Tony frowned and checked the time by pulling it up on his holoscreen.

"I've only been down here, like, four hours. That's hardly a record breaker."

Clint rolled his eyes as he strolled deeper into the inventor's space.

"Not the lab, man, the tower. You haven't left in two weeks. Not since…"

Christmas.

"So? The tower's pretty big. I've got everything I need here. If I need fresh air I can always just go out on the landing pad. No big deal."

"Tony." Damn. He actually managed to sound like Cap there for a second. "You can't just stay cooped up in here forever. You've gotta go out eventually. C'mon. Come to the park with me."

Tony fidgeted.

"I'd rather not."

Clint made an exasperated sort of noise.

"Why not?"

The genius already knew he wouldn't be able to out wait the other man. Might as well go ahead and give in.

"What if someone sees me, Clint?" He twisted around to look the archer in the eye. "People can't find out about this."

"Oh, please. Do you honestly think anyone is going to recognize you, Stark? With such a drastic change from just two weeks ago? If I hadn't watched it happen, I don't think I would believe it. Even if they did, who's first thought would be that you're turning into Santa?"

Which was an excellent point, but didn't do anything to lessen Tony's irrational fears.

"I just don't think I'm ready yet."

"Welp, better get ready real quick," Clint said as he pulled Tony out of chair by one arm, "cause I'm taking you to the park and there's nothing you can say or do to stop me."

So, in the end, that was how Tony wound up sitting on a park bench, waiting for Clint to get back from tracking down a pretzel vender. He was getting a pretty good sulk going by the time he noticed a little girl from the play area not far away openly staring at him. He shifted a bit so his back was to her. The last thing he wanted was for some New York socialite mom to get it into her head that he was some sort of pervert hanging around the park and ogling the kids. No, thank you. He preferred his ogling to be based around tall, dark, and handsome beings from another realm.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when someone tapped him on the shoulder. The girl had climbed up on the bench behind him and was staring down at him. Golden curls framed rosy cheeks and bright blue eyes. She couldn't have been more than six and looked nervous.

"Hi," she said with a little wave.

"Hi."

She gave a furtive look around and then leaned in close to whisper, "I just wanted to say thank you."

He blinked in surprise.

"What for?"

"For bringing me Sarabeth for Christmas. Mommy and Daddy said there was no way they could afford an American Girl Doll but there was one under the tree so I know you brought it."

Tony couldn't help the grin that started spreading across his face as he turned back around just a bit.

"You didn't check the tag?"

She blushed prettily.

"I was really excited and forgot."

"Well," he allowed, "that happens from time to time. We all get excited about new toys, even me."

She giggled.

" _Especially_ you, I bet!"

"You're right!" he mock gasped. "Especially me! But you've got make me a promise, Kaity."

Her eyes got huge.

"Anything."

"Next year, you've gotta make sure to check the tags on all your presents so you can thank whoever they're from, okay?"

Her curls bounced wildly as she nodded.

"Absolutely! I won't forget! I promise!"

"Good!" He tapped her on the nose playfully and winked. "And as long as you're good from now till then, I'll bring you the horse for Sarabeth, too. How about that?"

The look of amazement on her face was breathtaking.

"Are you serious?" she squealed.

"Serious as Comet is about his carrots! Run along now. I don't want your parents worried about where you got off to."

"You got it!"

She hopped on the bench and took a few running steps before turning back with a frown.

"Hey, Santa?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you be here next year? It's just that I dunno how I'm gonna thank you for the horse if you don't come back and I promised you I'd thank _everybody._ "

"You could always just write me a letter."

"Really?" Her entire face scrunched up right along with her nose. "That's not just for asking for stuff?"

Tony laughed.

"No way. I mean, that's what I get most often, but you can write to me anytime."

Her face lit up with joy and she sprinted back to throw her arms around his neck. He hugged her back immediately.

"Thanks, Santa!"

He waved after her as she darted away.

"Dude." Clint materialized out of nowhere at his elbow, two pretzels in hand. One classic, one cinnamon-sugar. "What the fuck."

"Ooo! Please tell me that cinnamon-sugar one is for me."

Clint passed it over.

"You know, I don't think it really hit me until just now that this is actually happening, that you're actually _Santa._ "

He sounded awed. Tony just shrugged.

"Becoming Santa, technically."

"Whatever. How'd you know her name?"

Tony froze.

"Oh."

Clint smirked at him.

"Totally Santa."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets the Lists and Loki makes a brew.

There were boxes waiting for Tony when he got back to the tower. Like, mountains of boxes. They filled the entire communal area living room. Bruce sat on the couch in the midst of it all, book in hand and reading glasses perched perilously on the tip of his nose. He barely glanced up at them as Clint and Tony managed to make it through to him.

"Delivery came in this afternoon," he said casually, "for initials S.C."

Tony groaned. He had a sneaking suspicion what this was all about and pulled one of the smaller boxes toward himself. Some of them were large enough to be better classified as trunks. He popped the top off and pulled out a sheet of names, folded back and forth over itself.

" _The Lists._ I didn't think they were going to come this early."

"Wait. You mean as in the Naughty and Nice Lists? Those Lists?"

Tony smirked at the archer.

"What's the matter, Clint? Afraid of which list your name is going to wind up on?"

"Psh!" Clint did an absolutely terribly job of feigning non-chalance. "I'm hardly a kid."

Tony picked up a sheaf of the papers and waved them at his teammate.

"For all the believers, bird brain!" he sing-songed. "Boy and girls of every age. Shall I check the B's?"

He knew he was taking far more pleasure out of the situation than he probably should, but it was hard not to. And, really, what was the point of being Santa if you didn't get a few perks along the way? The archer glared at him.

"You do whatever you want, Santa. I'll be in the range."

He turned away and started making his way back through the box cavern.

"Just remember to be a good boy," Tony called after him. "Otherwise I won't bring you those putty arrows you've been wanting."

They both froze. Clint turned around slowly, eyes wide.

"What?"

Tony stared right back and then scrunched up his face.

"Putty arrows, really? What could you possibly use those for?"

Bruce's book was still open on his lap but he was eyeing the proceedings with interest. Clint puffed up his chest and looked indignant.

"Numerous reasons, not that I have to explain myself to you."

Tony wasn't convinced.

"Really? Like what?"

"Like making sure an enemy is stuck in place, for one!" The archer scowled. "Or blinding them in a way that doesn't threaten nearby allies or cause permanent damage."

Tony's expression morphed into something thoughtful. He cocked his head a bit to one side.

"Those…are actually not bad reasons."

Bruce made a noise of acknowledgement, but seemed to be largely ignoring them both. Clint looked smug.

"I know. Why do you think I want them?"

Tony nodded a bit, mind churning. Without him having to really think about it, he replaced the bit of the List he'd pulled out and drifted through the piles before pulling one of the trunk-sized boxes toward him. Surprisingly enough, he was able to lift it without trouble. Clint stared.

"You may not have to wait until next Christmas. I'll be in the lab if anyone needs me."

Ideas and half-formed schematics swirled through his mind as he headed out of the room, carrying the trunk with him. He could go over the names in his spare time.

"How is none of this striking you as odd?" he vaguely heard Clint ask Bruce as the genius stepped onto the elevator.

"JARVIS, open up a new project in Clint's file."

"Decided the putty arrows are a good idea, Sir?"

Tony scratched at the bushy beard that had grown on his chin and refused to be cut off.

"Seems like a lot of things are changing around here, buddy."

"I'm not so sure they need to."

Tony cracked his elbow against the wall of the elevator as he jerked with surprise and he dropped the trunk. Loki didn't look apologetic, exactly, but he did reach out to sooth the ache. The genius glared at him.

"What is it with everyone just popping out of nowhere? It's starting to get old really fast."

A frown tugged at Loki's lips, but it wasn't exactly an uncommon expression lately. Tony shuffled closer and pressed himself into the god's side to give them both some comfort. They could use all of it they could get these days.

"It was not my intention to startle you. I confess my mind is not as clear as it normally is."

The genius made a noise of concern. The couple hadn't exactly seen a lot of each other with Tony spending so much of his time in the lab and Loki researching and hunting down even the vaguest of leads. The few times Tony had managed to drag himself to bed, the god hadn't been there. He doubted the other was getting any more sleep than he was, if even that. Loki didn't have bags under his eyes, but he did look exhausted.

"Any progress?" Tony asked as they stepped out of the elevator and into his lab.

He immediately set the trunk down on one of his worktables so he could turn back to his lover. Despite everything, Loki actually looked somewhat pleased.

"Actually, yes." He reached into one of his subspace pockets to pull forth a vial of glowing, gold liquid. It was enrapturing. "Though it was not easy and took every scrap of my skill to achieve."

Tony could practically feel the power coming from the small vial. It sent a shiver down his spine and goosebumps appeared all along his arms. He rubbed at them absentmindedly.

"And what is that supposed to do?"

The frown was back.

"I cannot be entirely certain."

Tony's eyebrows rose.

"What do you mean you can't be certain? Didn't you make it?"

"I did," Loki agreed, "but this magic…I am, for perhaps the first time since I started using magic, out of my depth. This potion should counteract at least a few of the effects of this 'clause' however to what _extent_ is unclear."

He glared at the vial in his hand as though it held poison. It was the first time Tony had ever seen him show anything but pride and happiness toward his own magic.

"But it's safe?"

The genius winced in sympathy as Loki's teeth ground together before he managed to spit out an answer.

"Again, I cannot be certain. Which makes it as good as useless," he growled.

Tony reached out to take the vial and Loki let him have it easily, the god's irritation melting into something more akin to defeat. It was painful to see him in such a state. The genius eyed the vial speculatively.

"Hardly useless."

"I refuse to risk your life without the facts, dear heart," the god sighed. He was looking for exhausted by the second. "It is a potion based on hearsay and conjecture. It is guesswork at best and blind shots in the dark at worst."

Tony pulled the stop of the vial and sniffed it. It smelled faintly like some kind of fruit. He was guessing maybe a melon.

"There's no one better at magic than you, Lokes. If there's anyone who can figure out how to fix this, it's gonna be you."

"I appreciate your words, but they do little to comfort me. I do not know where to go from here."

Tony smiled at him.

"That's okay. I do."

He drank the vial in two huge gulps.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when you drink strange potions not meant for consumption. Oh, and sex tapes.

Tony woke up back in his own bed, Loki lying slumped beside him with the god's head resting on his chest. Every muscle in his body was tired. He groaned softly at the slight ache and Loki's shifted to look at him, eyes red-rimmed and glaring. His head never came off of the genius's chest, though.

"I'm very angry with you, I hope you know."

Tony's brow furrowed as he tried to remember just exactly what had happened before he passed out, what he'd done to make Loki so mad at him. His brain felt a bit fuzzy, all in all.

"The potion?"

The corner of Loki's mouth twisted down in a scowl.

"Yes. The potion, you complete and utter _imbecile._ You had no idea what it could do to you! You're lucky not to be dead."

Tony's hands immediately flew up to his hair as if he could feel a shift from downy white back to his usual bark brown.

"Did it work? Am I me again?"

Loki sighed before finally dragging himself upright.

"I almost wish it hadn't, as I am sure this will only encourage you in these ridiculous stunts in the future."

Tony was up in a flash, darting over toward his closet and the full-length mirror within.

"That's mean, Lokes. I'm hurt. Deeply. I doubt I'll ever recover."

The god just rolled his eyes and followed after him, hanging back in the doorway as Tony examined himself. The genius's clothes hung off him, all the extra weight he'd put on suddenly gone. His hair still had more grey than he was used to, but at least it didn't look like freshly-fallen snow anymore. He tugged at the thick beard covering his chin, the white still clinging to it.

"If I shave this, do you think it'll grow back?"

Loki smiled at him softly.

"Only one way to find out."

The answer, apparently, was no and Tony was practically giddy as he skipped out of their bedroom to head to the common area for breakfast. Despite his earlier displeasure, it seemed that Loki was in rather good spirits as well. His magic had worked and that was what mattered. Only Clint, Natasha, and Bruce were in the kitchen when they arrived but Tony still spun around upon entering to show off the changes to his appearance.

"So, do I have the best boyfriend ever or what?"

"Holy shit, dude!" Tony didn't even flinch when Clint started poking and prodding at him, just reveling in his returned appearance. The archer turned to Loki after a moment's examination. "You should open a shop in Hollywood, or Beverly Hills or something. You'd make a killing! What the Hell did you do?"

Loki's arms wrapped around Tony, pulling him back against the god's frame. He pressed kisses all along Tony's cheek and neck.

"A highly dubious potion that Anthony drank against my warnings."

Bruce heaved a sigh.

"Why am I not surprised? I really wish I could be surprised."

"Hey! I'm starting to feel insulted here."

"Just starting to?" Natasha sauntered over to press her lips to Tony's cheek despite his close proximity to Loki. "It's good to have you back. Everything's been worked out, then?"

"Well, uh, maybe?" Tony wrinkled his nose. "We can't really be sure how much it affected."

"With your luck?" Clint snorted. "My money's on you keeping all the awesome Christmas magic and just counteracting the bad stuff. What? Being a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist wasn't enough for you? You had to add Santa to the list, too?"

"Oh my God, Clint! You weren't even there for that conversation!"

"Doesn't make it any less hilarious that you actually said that. I mean, come on, man."

"What did you do?!" The entire team was immediately on alert, spinning around to see the gasping Bernard in the doorway. His hair was wild, his hat askew. His eyes were as big as saucers as he marched forward, getting into Tony's space right along with everyone else it seemed. "You've messed with the magic somehow! That shouldn't even be possible!"

"Uh…I drank a potion?"

Bernard glared daggers at him.

"Are you trying to ruin Christmas for every child on this planet? What is wrong with you? What are we supposed to do without a Santa?"

Tony froze, a pang going through his chest.

"Wait, so I'm not Santa anymore?"

The elf huffed aggressively.

"According to all our sensors you are but _clearly_ there's something wrong. This has never happened before!"

He actually looked like he might be on the edge of panicking and Tony stepped forward, out of Loki's arms, to lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, it's gonna be alright. If there's anything I'm known for, it's doing things that have never been done before."

"And being a man whore," Clint threw in.

"Sometimes both. At the same time," Natasha added.

Bruce just left his face fall into his palms.

"Really, guys?" Tony asked. "So not helpful right now."

Clint shrugged.

"We're just saying. I think the first porn I ever watched was one of your sex tapes, come to think of it…"

"What? Ew! Why would you even say that? I don't ever want to think about the fact that you've seen me naked."

"You have _sex tapes?_ " Bernard sounded incredulous. " _Santa_ has _sex tapes?_ "

"Not recent ones!" Tony hurried to protest. "I put a stop to those ages ago! Like, at least by my thirties. Maybe thirty-two."

Clint was grinning from ear to ear.

"Best. Santa. Ever."

Loki's brows were furrowed.

"We don't have a sex tape."

Tony looked back at him with a broad, toothy smile.

"You want one? We can totally make one."

"No!" Bernard practically shouted. "No sex tapes!"

"Aw, come on, Bernie! It's not like we'd share it with anyone!"

His glare could have killed a small child.

"You are damn lucky those production line specs you sent are working so well because I would really like nothing more than to strangle you in this moment."

"Don't worry. I make everyone feel like that. It's a talent. And what do you mean I'm 'damn lucky'? Can you even say that? Are elves allowed to curse? There has to be a rule against that somewhere. Gotta be."

Bernard opened his mouth to respond only for an alarm to go off, one Tony knew would be blazing through the rest of the Avengers floors as well.

"What the Hell is that?"

"Avengers Assemble Alert."


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avengers fights! Doom goes on the Naughty List.

"Um, I'm really not sure we should be letting you go into a combat situation. I know I'm not really one to talk and all, but do you even know what you're doing?"

Bernard scoffed from his seat on the quinjet, giving Tony an imperious look.

"I'll have you know I was in TINSEL for over a hundred years before I took my current position."

"What's TINSEL?"

"The Tactical and Intelligence Neutralization Segment of Elf Logistics. We're very good at what we do."

"And what is that, exactly?"

"Neutralize threats. You'd be surprised how many people there are out there that discover the North Pole and want to use it for their own means. It's TINSEL's job to find out about them and defend our home."

"So you're like the elf military?"

Tony tried to imagine it, the elves he'd seen at the Pole traipsing through a battlefield or in a command center. It left him with a feeling of unease in his stomach.

"We can almost always keep it from getting to that point but, when necessary, yes. The point is, I have combat training and I'll be more than capable of taking care of myself."

Tony turned on Steve.

"Are you really gonna let this happen?"

"Honestly? I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that any of this is actually real."

"Are you kidding me? You completely accept an alien army coming through a hole in the sky but elves in the North Pole trip you up?"

Steve just sent him a sheepish grin.

"Shall we focus on the reason we're here?" Loki cut in. "Who are we to face this day? I must admit I am looking forward to having an outlet for my frustrations."

"Doctor Doom," Steve grumbled. "He's apparently got his eye on a research lab called FenWorks. There's a chemical compound they've been working with that he has an interest in getting in his hands."

"Well he's definitely going on the Naughty List. Permanently." Tony turned to Bernard with a sudden thought. "Can I do that? I mean, is that a thing? Permanently putting someone on the Naughty List?"

Bernard didn't seem very bothered by the thought.

"Unless you choose to rescind it or something drastic happens, Jack Frost is permanently on the Naughty List, too." He leaned in conspiratorially. "He tried to take Santa's place about a decade ago. It was some real messy business. Let's just say it didn't end very well for him."

Tony winced.

"You know, I didn't think I actually realized I'd be getting more enemies as Santa on top of all the enemies I have as Tony Stark."

"There's a real easy solution to that," Bernard said irritably. "Stop being Tony Stark."

Tony grinned, not even the least bit sorry.

"I've never really been one to do things the easy way."

"Clearly."

Bernard scowled, but Tony could also see Loki's smirk.

"Aright, then, back to the battle plan, yeah?"

They spent the rest of the short flight discussing strategy, Bernard staying mostly out of it. By the time they reached the sight of Doom's attack, Tony was pumped. He had a lot of energy to burn off after being cooped up for so long. He launched himself out of the quinjet to provide the first wave of defense for the facility. Or second, at least. SHIELD agents had been all that was holding Doom off until the Avengers could get there. Tony was immediately swarmed by Doombots.

"Looks like our Latverian friend isn't messing around today, guys," Tony called back to his teammates over the coms. "He's brought a whole party with him."

Mjolnir blasted past him, taking out three Doombots in a row before changing direction and flying back to Thor's hand. The thunderer grinned as he came to hover next to the Iron Man suit.

"It is good to be back in battle, is it not? Nothing may compare to the glory you feel when facing a worthy foe."

Tony grinned behind his facemask. He thought back to how he felt when talking to that little girl in the park.

"Well, almost nothing. But you are right about one thing. It's damn good to be back. Now let's kick some ass."

They both laughed as they dove back into the battle. It wasn't long before the rest of the Avengers, and their two additions, joined them. Tony took to sticking near Bernard, going so far as to spend a good bit of time on the ground. He felt somewhat responsible for the elf being there. He'd never forgive himself if something happened to Bernard. Of course, it became obvious pretty quickly that the elf could more than handle his own.

Tony could barely even keep up with him as the elf darted around the battlefield, using what seemed like a combination of magic trickery and ingeniously-used Christmas decorations to take down Doombots left and right. He even managed to decapitate one with what looked like garland. Tony wasn't even ashamed to admit that he was incredibly impressed.

"How are you doing that?"

Bernard looked up, seeming almost bored as he gutted yet another enemy bot.

"Some of it's my training, most of it is knowing how to use my abilities. It'd be incredibly easy for you to learn most of this stuff, too. You have more magic than I do, I just know more about how to use it."

"Wait, you mean I can actually use this Santa magic stuff? Like, actively?"

Bernard rolled his eyes with a scowl.

"I thought you were supposed to be a genius. Of course you can actively channel your magic."

Almost absentmindedly, Tony turned to blast away another Doombot when JARVIS flashed a warning across the hud. Then he was back to giving Bernard his full attention.

"And you can teach me how to do it?"

Bernard glared.

"Despite what you clearly think, I'm not a masochist. I would no more be inclined to do that than to cut off my own arm." He waved off Tony's protests before they could truly even begin. "Most of it is all intuitive, anyway. It's simplified, given how these positions tend to change hands over the years. Concentrate on what you want to happen, then just will it into existence."

Tony frowned. That sounded decidedly un-scientific. He wasn't sure quite how he felt about it. His gaze swept over the battlefield.

"Is there a limit to what I can do? I mean, it's seems kinda crazy to think that Santa could just start, I dunno, summoning fireballs or something."

"It would not be anything worse than some of the things you have been doing so far, I assure you," Bernard groused, "but no. Keep in mind that it is _Christmas_ Magic that you are dealing with here. What you are attempting must have something to do with Christmas. Summoning mistletoe to a doorway, making it snow, that sort of thing. Other than that, you are limited only by your imagination."

Tony grinned devilishly. Limited only by his imagination? Now there was an idea he could really get behind.

"Oh, I have a feeling this is going to be fun."

Bernard gave him a look very similar to several of the ones he often got from Pepper.

"And I have a feeling my life is about to get infinitely more frustrating."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki, Tony, and Bernard have a talk...with or without Fury.

"Do any of you want to tell me what the fuck is going on here?"

Fury did not look pleased. He kind of looked like he was considering murdering them all, hiding their bodies, and using his super-secret spy organization to cover the whole thing up. Tony figured that, objectively, he couldn't really blame the guy. It was also pretty heartening to see how each of the Avengers glanced in his direction, even Natasha, as though to say they wouldn't give away his secret without his permission. It left him all kinds of warm and fuzzy inside. Bernard looked like he cared not at all about any of it.

"Right," Tony said. "Bernard, this is Fury, Head of SHIELD. Fury, this is Bernard, Head Elf."

"Head Elf."

Fury sounded not at all amused. Bernard snorted.

"I know who he is. And SHIELD."

Fury narrowed his eyes at the elf.

"And how exactly did you come into that information?"

"You aren't exactly subtle."

One of Fury's eyebrows arched.

"We happen to be one of the most covert organizations in the world. Subtle is pretty much what we do."

"When did you stop believing?" Bernard asked.

The answer sprang to Tony's mind even as Fury's frown darkened.

"He was four," Tony scowled as he spoke, "younger than most. He asked his mother to tell him the truth. She told him what she thought was the truth."

Fury's eye widened for a moment before narrowing dangerously.

"And how the fuck do _you_ know _that?_ "

Bernard grinned.

"He's Santa, of course."

"What? I thought we were keeping that a secret."

The elf glared at Tony.

"No. _We_ were keeping it a secret. _You_ were telling every single person you talked to."

"I will have you know that is completely not true. I haven't told Pepper, Rhodey, _or_ Happy. And let me just tell you that I'll have Hell to pay for that if now it's suddenly okay to spread this thing around."

"I was under the impression it wasn't going to be possible to stop you from telling people."

Tony considered it for a moment.

"Well, it would be a lot easier to be both Tony Stark and Santa if everyone just knew I was both. Pepper would be a great asset to the team, by the way." He paused in thought. "Actually…Is there a way to make her Mrs. Clause? You know, without the whole marriage thing?"

Loki's head whipped around.

" _What marriage thing?_ "

Tony laughed nervously.

"Did I not mention that? I could have sworn I'd mentioned that."

Loki's face morphed into a mask of barely contained rage.

"You didn't, in fact."

"Wait, are you saying you all buy into this bullshit?"

Fury was looking around at the team, eyeing Loki in particular with suspicion. Natasha lifted her chin just a fraction.

"The evidence has been…irrefutable."

Fury's eyebrow rose all over again.

"And exactly how long have you been hiding this from me, Agent Romanov?"

Tony winced. Ooo, low blow. Fury must have been really pissed off.

"The situation has persisted about three weeks, Sir. The team and I have known about it for just over one."

Natasha, bless her, hadn't even flinched. She held Fury's gaze through the whole thing.

"And you didn't think it might be a good idea to turn in a report?"

Natasha's eyes were sharp even as her voice betrayed nothing but impeccable professionalism.

"It had no bearing on any of my current mission assignments."

Fury's face hardened.

"We can discuss this back at base. All of you."

Tony could still feel Loki's eyes burning into the side of his skull.

"Yeah, you know, I've kinda got some really important stuff to get to, actually. Maybe we could just skip that part? In case you didn't notice, Loki and I are going to need to have a bit of a conversation."

As per usual, Fury gave zero fucks about Tony's priorities. Luckily, Bernard seemed to be in a similar mood when it came to Fury's.

"And we have much to discuss as well. I'm afraid your little interrogation will have to wait, Director. But no need to worry. I'll have some of my people get in touch with yours shortly to debrief you on the situation."

Fury was just opening his mouth to give a response when he vanished, right along with the rest of the Avengers and the battlefield. Tony found himself suddenly back in his tower, on the community floor, with only Loki and Bernard for company.

"Did you just teleport us?"

Bernard gave him a condescending look.

"I thought you were supposed to be a genius."

Tony gave him a shrewd look.

"You know, the longer I know you, the sassier you seem to get."

Bernard grinned at him.

"When you're as old as I am, people generally let you say whatever you want. I've gotten used to it."

Loki's hand crept onto Tony's shoulder, long fingers curled a bit tighter than was strictly comfortable.

"Perhaps we could discuss this matter of marriage you spoke of?"

Tony grinned at him nervously.

"Right. That. It's one of the things Curtis told me, about the rules that come along with being Santa. I have a year to get married and find a 'Mrs. Claus' to rule my toy building empire at my side."

The fingers on his shoulder spasmed, making him wince. Loki immediately withdrew his hand.

"We…have not discussed such permanence before. However, I feel it only fair to warn you that I would not take such an act on your part kindly. I regard you as my own, and will not abide you giving yourself to another."

"It's not like I'd want to," Tony protested. "I already asked if it could be you. Curtis didn't exactly have an answer for that."

Loki blinked.

"You wished it to be me?"

"Well, yeah." Tony shrugged. "I know we haven't talked about it, but you're kinda it for me. I assumed the feeling was mutual."

A grin slipped across Loki's face before the god swooped in to capture Tony's lips in a searing kiss.

"It is, my dear. It truly is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys! Only one more chapter to go! We're almost there!


	14. Chapter 14

Tony grinned as he swam back toward wakefulness. Kisses were being pressed up and down the column of his throat and that was very nice. He arched into the touch, humming his approval as hands stroked his sides. He grinned widely as he opened his eyes to see Loki smiling right back.

"Morning, gorgeous."

"Good morning, Anthony."

Loki leaned in to kiss him, savoring the action. Tony rolled them over so he was straddling the god's hips.

"You seem particularly affectionate this morning."

"Yes, well, you _did_ agree to stay with me for all eternity yesterday. I reserve the right to be in a good mood over it."

Tony chuckled and leaned down to kiss him again.

"I'm going to need to get us some rings. Do you think I should make them Christmas themed?"

Loki considered it for a moment.

"Red, gold, and green…Those _are_ rather our colors."

"Pepper is going to demand to plan the wedding, you know."

"Right along with Barton, I'm sure. Perhaps they could share the role."

"Only if we get Bernard involved, too. He'll take some convincing, but I think he'll come around."

Loki grinned, his hands still training up and down Tony's sides. The genius rocked his hips just a bit to show exactly what he thought of the action.

"Do you have a date in mind, my love?"

The term of endearment sent a little flutter through Tony's heart.

"I was thinking June or July. Can't have it interfering with the new business."

He gave a little wink. Loki dragged him down for another kiss.

"July, I think. We shall need as much time to prepare as possible. There will be many decisions that must be made."

Tony grinned as he dropped his face in the crook of Loki's neck.

"God, I can hardly believe this is happening. Just… _wow._ I'm getting _married._ How am I even going to tell Pepper and Rhodey? On top of everything else?"

One of Loki's hands rose to cup the back of Tony's neck, scratching lightly at his scalp.

"You will do it as you do all things from now on, my dear."

Tony lifted himself up just a bit to be able to look his lover in the eye, his soon-to-be _husband._ He did not lift himself far enough to break Loki's hold.

"Oh? And how is that?"

Loki's grin held mischief, his eyes glittering with dark amusement.

"With me at your side."

Tony groaned as he righted himself, grinding down against the hard member pressing up against him. Loki hissed appreciatively as his hips bucked upwards.

"You just know all the right things to say, don't you?"

Loki's chuckle was breathy at best.

"They do call me Silvertongue for a reason, my dearest."

Tony pressed a quick kiss to the tip of Loki's nose, now rocking his hips in a rhythmic fashion. He and Loki had always had their best conversations in the midst of a little distraction.

"And now you have a new title to add to that long list of yours. Eh, Mrs. Claus?"

A flick of Loki's wrist was all it took to banish what little clothing they wore to the ground. Skin now rubbed against skin and Tony moaned.

"It is fortunate I am a shapeshifter," Loki said, clearly aiming for nonchalance and not quite making it as they continued to move against one another. "The…physical aspects of this magic will have no effect on me."

"Lucky you," Tony mused, raising himself up just a bit to pausing long enough for Loki to give another flick of his wrist. When he sank down onto Loki's cock, it was slick and slid inside of him easily. He shuddered all over at the sensation of being so filled. "Will that not be a strain on you? To fight it constantly?"

Loki laughed throatily.

"I have worn a glamour every day of my life, Anthony. Ever since Odin took me from that accursed temple. I wear one even now. This will be nothing to me."

Tony grinned widely.

"Good. I would hate for you to be too worn out to keep up with me."

Loki pulled Tony in close as he suddenly rolled them, not pulling out for even a moment. He thrust in roughly, making Tony's breath catch as Loki growled into his neck.

"Is that a challenge, mortal?"

Tony wiggled his hips, lifting them just a bit so that Loki's next thrust was aimed straight for his prostate. He cried out as the god slid home.

"That depends," he panted out, "do you think you're up for it? I'm hardly mortal anymore."

The pace they set was steady, but not rushed. Loki's teeth bit into the skin of Tony's neck, just barely not breaking the skin. It would leave a lovely bruise that would be impossible to hide. Tony practically purred.

"An upside of this whole situation, to be sure." Loki licked at the abused skin which had just been between his teeth, his pace never faltering. "I had been looking into the possibilities already but this…This is more than I could have wished for."

Tony's breath hitched again, but for an entirely different reason.

"You were going to make me immortal?"

The kiss was awkward, jarred by every thrust, but perfect none the less.

"I could not bear the thought of outliving you."

The god's words did funny things to Tony's chest and he didn't mind even the slightest bit. He pushed back into each of Loki's thrusts as the god reached around to take Tony's dick in one hand and stroke him expertly. It took an embarrassingly short amount of time for the inventor to cum, Loki following right after him.

They lay next to each other for a long minute, regaining their breath. Tony stared up at the ceiling before raising one hand up toward it. Nothing happened. Loki gave him an odd look.

"What are you doing?"

"Just…trying something. Gimme a second."

He kept his hand extended, concentrating. He pictured what he wanted to happen in his mind, focusing on the details. A moment passed, then two, then, slowly, a sprig of mistletoe appeared from the ceiling, complete with a red bow around it's stem. Tony beamed at Loki's stunned expression.

"Christmas Magic, Mrs. Claus. I think I need a bit more practice, though."

Loki's eyes softened.

"You never cease to amaze me, my dear."

"What can I say? I'm a pretty amazing person. Now, are you going to stick with tradition here or do I have to beg?"

Loki chuckled as he leaned in.

"Perhaps later, when we go for another round. I do so enjoy your begging."

Despite the fire of his words, the kiss was slow and gentle, simply allowing each of them to savor the other. Tony hummed happily and snuggled closer once the kiss ended, tucking himself into Loki's side.

"Merry Christmas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it, guys! I hope you've enjoyed the ride!


End file.
